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Blog Entry: #111

The Unofficial College Professor Translator:
Having Fun Exposing What Your Professor's Really Mean!
by Joe DePalma

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It is time to poke some fun at college professors everywhere
with this professor translator. Have fun learning what your professors
really mean when they say certain things. Enjoy!
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Professor Says : “Today, we'll start with an open topic forum on any section of the text book.”

Actual Translation : “O.K., let's see exactly who has at least read one single page of the text book so far.”

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Professor Says: “There are three distinct and stimulating books that are required for this class, and some will be used more than others.”

Actual Translation :“The first book will actually use. I wrote the second book, but the school won't approve it. The third book I have never even heard of, but they are making me con you out of an extra $28 each.”

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Professor Says: “Please take out some note paper; the following information is of sheer brilliance with both theoretical and systematic importance.”

Actual Translation: “I'm going to recite my fabulous dissertation verbatim.”

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Professor Says: “A complication has surfaced regarding your test papers which prohibits me from having them graded for today's class.”

Actual Translation: “I got stinking drunk and left my briefcase in the crapper at the dog track.”

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Professor Says: “I believe kudos are in order for my research partners Dr. Bond and Dr. Gilbert for their participation in the project.”

Actual Translation: “Bond did the work, and Gilbert explained it to me.”

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Professor Says:“Ahh…That was a very interesting and thought-provoking response.”

Actual Translation: “I had way too much bacon and sausage for breakfast, and I'm concentrating on not rippling massive butt-wind all over this classroom.” Or— “I had to sleep on the floor last night because my rented furniture was repossessed, and now I'm half asleep just standing here.”

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Professor Says: “We're going to end class a little early today because I have an important meeting to attend.”

Actual Translation: “That's right, a meeting behind the math building with Mr. Jim Beam and Mr. Jack Daniels!”

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Professor Says: “Although it was an open-note test, the overall performance of the entire class was below what I had anticipated.”

Actual Translation: “I can't believe not one of you cretins wrote down one single word I've said all damn semester.”

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Professor Says: “No homework this weekend.”

Actual Translation: “I just received my new toupee which I won on eBay, and it fits! Hooray!

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* ACTION STEP: The Unofficial College Professor Translator *

Your professors are real people, too. Just like you, they have faults and flaws that they are aware of. Please list three of your professors here and then label one insecurity that you most likely share with each one of them. The insecurity can be shared now or can be something you believe they were insecure about when they were in college. Believe it or not, you are much more like your professors than you think!

Professor #1_______________________________________________

Insecurity: ________________________________________________

Professor #2_______________________________________________

Insecurity: ________________________________________________

Professor #3 _______________________________________________

Insecurity: ________________________________________________

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